The Rising Fear of October 

As the nights close in and the days get shorter I can’t avoid the anxious fear rising in my belly.

It’s October once again and as far back as I can remember I have suffered with the dreaded blues that always arise this time of year. But it’s more than just blues and this year it feels particular bad.

It’s feeling so low I stay curled up in bed, hidden from the world for days on end. Or so irritated with anxiety I physically shake and could just burst with anger and scream the house down. It’s exhausting, physically and mentally and everyday is a push just to get out of bed.

But it comes in waves. I can be feeling great for a few days and then out of nowhere it hits me. It’s hard to explain to others and you often get ‘but you’re looking great, what’s the issue?’ Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Inside I am screaming! In winter this can last for months.

I am slightly annoyed at myself for not noticing the signs of my body sooner. My body always gives me away and I know myself better than anyone. I should have started preparation back in September. *By this I mean by taking mult vitamins, using the herbal remedies suggested by the doctor, eating well and starting meditation before I started to feel unwell. Of course anti depressants could easily help relive my symptoms but I would prefer to try and help myself first. It’s not like I don’t know how (see my self-help therapy list at the bottom of the page).

It sounds silly but I feel more at one with the bike, she too has suffered these last few weeks. It’s as if she is in tune with my body and mind. The 1st incident I dropped her on a steep slope and she slid down the hill, scratching up her new paint work. Gutted!

From then on she broke down twice during the same week. 1st from a severed wire going into the main fuse plug. 2nd from the battery not charging properly as it needed replacing

Happy to say she is all fixed for now and I am steadily doing what I can to feel better.

On our goods days we get out. Although instantly getting on my bike makes me feel great, just getting there some days is tough. As hard as I sometimes find this time of year it’s can also be magically beautiful with the change of seasons.

But I will keep getting up every morning take the day as I choose and put one foot in front of the other. My mental health can have it’s day every now and then but it will not have my life. In my self-help therapy toolkit, I have one thing not everyone else has and that’s my bike. She has been there through all my toughest days and a blip on her on a glorious sunny day is all it takes to make me feel good.

But the most important thing to note if you too suffer with similar issues, is to ‘ASK FOR HELP!’ There is no shame in asking for help. Just a little chat with you’re doctor can make a world of difference.

*Pleas note: This article outlines my personal choices and I have consulted with my doctor what best works for me. This in no way suggests what treatments work for others and you should consult your doctor before trying any treatments*

*My Self-help Therapy Toolkit.

• Motorbike
• CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
• Meditation – hypnosis, progressive muscle relaxation.
• Eating well – try to eat your five a day including veggie
• Herbal remedies (ask your doctor)
• Daily outside exercise (even if it’s only 20 minute walk around your block a day)
• Ask for help when needed and recognising my sympton
• Multi Vitamins

I am not gonna to say keep on smiling because some days you simple don’t want to but never stop trying!